btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
