Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i believe in u and ur pee
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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