I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
