So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
