Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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