I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
