Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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