A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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