I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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