Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
