I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
