If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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