Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my phone needs a breathalizer
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
