The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
