he wants to bone in the snuggie
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
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I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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