The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
