theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
