why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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