Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
