And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
