The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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