he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
