I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My life is pants optional.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
