you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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