I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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