Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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