it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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