Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
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oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
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I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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