am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
