I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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