Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
