I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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