thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You left your phone here
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