Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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