dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
