You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
