fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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