My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Pants are for mortals
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
