i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
