i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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