Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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