Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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