I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
the raccoons are back...
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