this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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