your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
