His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
well you can't waste a boner
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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