i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
