i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
