I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize