we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
