At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
