I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
