your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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