I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
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you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
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Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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