I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
