I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
