Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
