One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
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The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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