I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
