would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
