don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
