Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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