u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
