It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
