There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
