I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You are the jesus of drinking
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
