I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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