i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
