the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
