I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
