thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
