went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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