GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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