It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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