I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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