So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
