This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
