I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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