She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
