Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
