my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
