smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
