I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
people are starting to question the shark bite story
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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